Rigor Mortise
by romanticmannequin
Summary: This is just a bunch of lame fluffy stuff and character development junk. Its pretty short but the next one im doing is longer. Aaahh i hope its not too awful. Ive been writing comics too, so you can read those from my blog when i finish them. Thanks for reading.


The bitter-sweet taste of a nectar clung to the roof of Kogas mouth. He felt numb as he drifted in and out of consciousness, little snippets of reality occouring between a haze of dreamless sleep and distant quiet sounds that may have been all in his head, or maybe not. Glass clinking against his teeth while a hand held his jaw open, his coat being pulled around him and buttoned while rain fell, being jostled against cold metal, and finally being laid down ever-so gentley in a familiar feeling, warm place.

"Wake up, sleeping beauty. Please..." The words were muttered against his cheek between soft kisses and the other side of his face being stroked. Koga tried to respond but could only produce a hoarse groan. He hated nothing more than the way nectars made him feel when he woke up, but he knew that that was the only way to bring him back if they traveled any farther than the Windy Plains. It was dangerous to wait any longer than the time it took to get back to Tharsis from inside that land to revive someone, and he was the only one who could do any healing on the spot without the nasty side-effects of potions. A hand patted his cheek as he slowly opened his eyes and stared blearily at the ceiling of the inn.

"Koga, are you alright? Do you remember where you are?" His hair was brushed from his eyes and he nodded. His head lolled to the side and he smiled weakly at Logre, who immediately smiled back and seemed to relax a small bit. Koga had almost gained all the feeling back in his body, which he was regretting as every inch of him ached. He reached a stiff arm out to Logre who took the hand between both of his own and held it tightly. Beginning with his fingers and toes and then his ankles and wrists, the medic bent and rolled his joints to loosen them and rid himself of the god-awful ache that he hated so. Logre did his best to help, rubbing the spots that were most sore and pushing where bones met that were stubborn and stuck instead of bending properly. Once Koga stretched out enough to move on his own, he hugged the other man and apologized.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Logre murmured and held onto him. "We got ambushed and you took the brunt of it. There's no way you could've seen it coming." He sighed and let go. "C'mon its dinner time, you need to eat something." Koga nodded again and turned to put his legs over the edge of the bed and stood very slowly, a hand on his back to make sure he didn't fall the whole time. Logre wrapped an arm around the smallers waist and didn't remove it once until they had made it downstairs, despite Kogas insisting that he could walk on his own.

Once they sat down with their food, the other members of their guild joined them and chatted about the exploration that day. Kogas memory of things going generally well was accurate until it cut out, so he was filled in on the battle and the trip home. Nothing seemed to have been too awful, it wasn't the first time their guild was blindsided or Koga had been felled, and the only other major occurrence was that Veron had gotten petrified in the ambush. Obviously with no medic and an albeit light but rather fragile looking Vessel statue, it was pointless to continue with their explorations for the day. However, through nearly the entire conversation and meal, Koga had noticed that Logre was constantly zoning out and wasn't eating very much at all. Every time he gave the knight inquiring glances, he only received insincere smiles in response. He didn't press, if it was important he knew he'd find out eventually.

"But i didn't even tell you the best part!" Yami shouted across the table.

"It's not 'the best part', and you're not going to tell him." Logre looked up at her, his face straight but frustration easily heard in his voice.

"Well you know the Storm emperor dragon thing over in the Scarlett pillars, right? The one we tried to kill last week?" she continued, ignoring him entirely. Koga nodded, unable to subdue his own curiosity and recalling how the previous week their guild tried to take down the massive electric dragon, only to have it retreat to somewhere unreachable before they could deliver the finishing blow.

"Yami, he said shut up." Asaki punched her in the arm as she scolded her.

"Ow, well i cant just not tell him about Whirlwind scaring off a freaking dragon-ouch!" She flinched as Veron jabbed her foot under the table with the bottom of his staff.

"Whoa, what?" Koga stared at her in surprise. Logre sighed and closed his eyes.

"For the last time, i didn't 'scare it off', it probably would've left on its own even if i hadn't done anything. It was still weak from last time." Yami only scoffed at him.

"Weak or not, you screamed at a giant scaly lizard monster with lightning coming out of its face, and then it ran away. Close enough to 'scaring it off' for me." Koga tried hard to think. He had just the faintest of memories of waking up just briefly to the sound of thunder and hearing yelling that didn't register as words at that time, but was making sense now.

"Wait, so that wasn't a dream?" he inquired to no one in particular.

"Nope." Yami replied flatly. "Aw chill out, man," she began to Logre who was leaning his head against his hand with his arm propped up on the table. "Its not like i told him about you crying or anything, i mean- wait, shit..." Veron stamped at her foot again and used some sort of spell that left her unable to open her mouth, making her glare at him and growl what were assumed to be insults.

"_i wasn't crying._" Logre stated through clenched teeth, his face flushing in embarrassment.

"It's not like you were sobbing or anything, so what if you got a little misty-eyed over the situation." Asaki attempted to correct Yamis outburst and hopefully keep Logre from getting mad about it.

"And just because its your job to be big and tough in the face of danger doesn't mean you cant have a soft spot for your friends." Veron added, his smile to them hinting at more meaning behind his words.

"Exactly. i get upset when you guys get hurt too, even if you don't always notice. We all do." Asaki explained, Yami nodding in agreement. Logre stood up.

"Great, now if were all done having a touchy-feely friendship moment here, i'll be going back upstairs." He walked away, obviously still upset.

"i guess i should go too, then. i um... don't wanna wake him up by coming up later if he falls asleep." Koga thanked them for filling him in and excused himself, then went up the stairs after Logre, wondering if maybe he was getting a little too used to lying to the girls as to why they spent so much time together. As he reached the end of the hall, he sighed and opened the door slowly, pushing it open no more than was necessary to slip in and close it quietly behind himself.

"Just me," Koga called to him softly. Logre sat back on his couch, his head leaning over the back while he rubbed his face with both hands. He gave a grunt of acknowledgement to the younger without looking up.

"Are you feeling ok..?" He asked as he approached the knight, unsure of how to go about asking exactly why it was he was upset. The man only let his arms fall to his sides where he sat and closed his eyes without responding.

"i-i can leave and come back later if-"

"**No**," Logre said quickly, sitting up. "No, don't... don't leave." There was a hint of desperation in his voice that was soon reflected on his face when he reached out and touched Kogas hand, feeling that his skin was cold.

"Don't leave me..." Koga sat next to him and took his warm hand, which squeezed back and didn't let go.

"i wont leave, promise. i'm right here." He tried to be generally comforting until he could figure out what precisely was the matter.

"... You almost weren't here at all..." The older man mumbled, staring at the floor.

"is that why you're upset..?" He asked after a moment and leaned over a small bit to try to see the others face. Once again he received no answer, but only had arms silently wrap around his shoulders.

"Koga, _be more careful_." Logre tried to sound stern but his voice broke mid-sentence and soon he began to tremble. He went on, Koga embracing him back and stroking his neck. "i cant take it, Koga. i just cant stand having to carry you home like that. i can not take what it does to me, you feel too cold and heavy and limp, and i cant feel you breathing or your heart beating. And its _not_ like you're just sleeping because you don't smile when i kiss you and _blood doesn't come out of your mouth when you're just sleeping_, its not like it at all because i _know_ you're not sleeping and i know that you're..." He couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence.

"Logre..." Kogas voice came out quieter than intended. He hadn't realized he was beginning to get choked up, but took a deep breath and tried again. "Logre, i'll promise to be more careful, but only if you do the same. i can't sit idly by while you keep charging head first into danger." Logre let go and pulled away so he could look into Kogas eyes.

"There's no way i can do that. if i'm careful about myself, that's less energy and attention i can put into protecting you and everyone else, and i'm already not doing a good enough job at that which is why _you_ need watch out for yourself."

"i _am_. No matter how careful any of us are, bad things are going to happen sometimes. It's our job to go to dangerous places and do dangerous things. You said it yourself, there's nothing i could have done about today, but that doesn't mean you should be reckless all the time!" Logres frown deepened as Koga spoke.

"it's not being reckless, it's keeping you safe! i don't want you getting hurt for no reason-"

"And you think it doesn't hurt me when i see you getting beat to hell and back? That i don't get sick to my stomach when i hear your bones snapping or that it doesn't feel like my hearts being ripped out of my chest when i have to watch you get cut and stabbed and _killed_? i love you too, you know, so don't act like i don't understand!"

Kogas had balled his hands into fists to the point of his knuckles turning white.

"But you _don't_ understand. You _can't_. I'm doing everything in my power to make sure you never will."

"What are you even talking about, what the hell is your problem!?" He hadn't meant to shout at him with so much anger regretted it immediately. The tears in Logres eyes finally overflowed and his head dropped as he grabbed the front of Kogas shirt, his body shaking even harder than before.

"Shut up, ok? Just shut up!" His voice shook with the rest of him. Koga didn't speak again, he had no idea what to say, so he only listened. /i was wrong/ he thought to himself. Rigor mortise was a bitch, but what he hated more than anything was seeing Logre like this, it broke his heart.

"i don't want you to have to know what it's like to see practically everyone you know, your friends, _your own father_, laying around you, _dead_, and being a hundred percent helpless to do a thing about it. if it's going to be someone, it's got to be me." He wiped his face with the palm of his hand before loosening his grip on Kogas shirt and looking up at him.

"Losing you isn't going to save me from knowing how that feels." Koga told him softly and once again put his own hand over the one on his chest. The look on Logres face was pure exasperation, he knew this was an impasse. Koga was going to get hurt whether he liked it or not, but he supposed it would only be worse if he wasn't there at all.

The younger man wanted nothing more than to calm the pain that ate away at Logre for apparently for much longer than he realized, and so he did all that he knew how to bring him comfort. Pulling the hand away from him, he bent forward and hugged the knight around his middle, nuzzling against his chest and reaching a hand up to comb his fingers through silvery-white hair. Logre breathed a shuddering sigh that echoed through his chest for Koga to hear, then kissed the top of his head and hoped the tears streaming into his hair wouldn't be noticed. They stayed that way until the olders breathing evened out and Koga lifted his head to softly kiss at the others jaw and cheek.

"It's been a long ten years, Koga. There was nothing for me to return to after all that time, no family or friends or home. You're the first person i've been able to be honest with in over _ten years_. i cant help but feel like you're all i have. Hell, i didn't expect to live this long, especially after i was ordered to try and take you guys out. i thought for sure that would be the end for me." He paused to turn his head and catch Kogas lips with his own, letting a long moment pass while they melted against eachother in an unspoken apology for any hurt feelings.

"What it comes down to really, is that even though my old life i had is gone now, i'm alright. i want you to be safe and i just don't want to lose you since im happy with my new life and i wanna spend it with you." At this Koga smiled to himself.

"Please do." Logre smiled back but looked away, realizing how utterly embarrassing what he had just said was. It sounded like a gushing marriage proposal if he'd ever heard one.

"Ah, i sound like an idiot, don't i," He chuckled and closed his eyes. "Getting so worked up over you like this."

"You're passionate, that's why i love you. Aside from how wonderful at everything and very handsome you are."

He wiped away a tear that had stayed at the corner of Logres eye, who laughed and pulled Koga into his lap while murmuring something close to 'you're one to talk'.

"Take a bath with me?"

"You don't normally take baths on workdays." Clearly he wasn't arguing though, as he rose and lifted Koga with him.

"Honestly, i don't think my shoulders are going to let me wash myself on my own, and taking them with me always puts you in a better mood."

Soon they found both of these things to be true, Koga being unable to lift his arms enough to even take his own shirt off and Logre finding himself smiling while untangling the others hair with his fingers and staring at his back.

"Koga," There was still a small amount of tension in the air but it was enough to begin to drive Logre mad.

"Hm?" He looked over his shoulder once he finished wiping soap from his face.

There were a million things he could tell him in that moment, things he wanted him to know, things that would be said over time without words, things he wanted to just say over and over every second of the day until the one he loved understood the truth behind them.

"i think..." he began, Koga turning around and placing his hands on Logres shoulders, "That we're strong enough to never lose eachother if we both hold on." Logre pulled him against his chest and sat back against the side of the bathtub with the smaller man in his arms. Koga couldn't help but smile and tried his best not to laugh.

"Now you do sound like an idiot for sure. But alright, if i can hold on any tighter, i will." They smiled at eachother and Koga laid his head on Logres chest. "Though... Even when you say dumb stuff like that, i'm still glad i fell in love with you." Logre closed his eyes.

"... Me too." He sighed contently and held on to the others body tightly for a long time, and his heart even longer.


End file.
